The Power of One: Mastering the Art of Being Alone

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”— Carl Jung

How embracing a relationship with yourself makes you a happier person and a better partner

I hear it all the time from my clients: “I don’t like to be alone.”
“It makes me anxious.”
“I’m an extrovert—I need people around me to be okay.”
Many people tell me they need background noise, music, or constant activity. Sitting alone with their thoughts feels uncomfortable, even upsetting.

Often this is brushed off as no big deal. “That’s just how I am,” people say. But the constant need for distraction, reassurance, or stimulation can actually be a way of avoiding what’s happening within. It can keep us from feeling our emotions, from processing difficult inner experiences, and from connecting with our more authentic selves.

While all of this may be understandable, there is real power in developing an inner relationship with ourselves. With practice, people can not only tolerate being alone—they can begin to truly enjoy and even relish that time.

Cultivating a relationship with ourselves is one of the most important skills—and gifts—we can give ourselves. The inability to sit quietly or to not be busy doing something can be harmful over time. It can contribute to codependency and make it harder to be a grounded, emotionally available partner.

One of the most important mental health skills we can develop is the ability to sit with our own thoughts and emotions without judgment. Allowing feelings to arise—without immediately pushing them away, fixing them, or criticizing ourselves—is a skill that can be learned. A sign of psychological health is metacognition: the ability to observe and reflect on our thoughts rather than being consumed by them.

Sara Maitland captures this beautifully in her book How to Be Alone, where she writes about solitude not as avoidance, but as a deliberate engagement with oneself. In our hyper-connected culture, solitude is often misunderstood as antisocial or even unhealthy. Maitland challenges this idea, showing how time alone can help us move through fear and lead to richer, fuller lives.

Our culture does not reward or protect time for reflection. We are action-oriented, constantly responding, producing, and moving forward. Yet leaning into silence and reflection is both a challenge and a worthy goal—one with significant mental health benefits. Intentional alone time can decrease anxiety, reduce stress and irritability, and create space for emotional processing.

It’s also important to distinguish between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is a painful sense of disconnection, while solitude is an acceptance—and even enjoyment—of our own presence. Learning to be comfortable alone begins with curiosity and a genuine desire to know ourselves better. After all, this is one of the most significant relationships of our lives.

One of the greatest benefits of time alone is self-reflection. Solitude supports personal growth by allowing us to observe our automatic reactions, confront fears, and pause before responding. This pause—small but powerful—is where change happens.

Being able to think about our thoughts creates choice. We can notice patterns, question assumptions, and respond with clarity rather than reflex or fear. This doesn’t mean difficult emotions disappear; it means we’re no longer fully identified with them. Over time, this capacity supports emotional regulation, resilience, and a deeper sense of agency—hallmarks of psychological well-being.

How to Begin Cultivating Solitude (and Maybe Even Enjoy It)

Start slowly.
Begin with quiet time over your morning coffee—no TV, no phone, no music. Just you and your thoughts. Start with 15–30 minutes and gradually increase.

Practice mindfulness.
Spend time tuning into your senses: what you see, hear, smell, and feel. No judgment, no planning, no reviewing the past or worrying about the future—just noticing. Even 10–15 minutes a day can make a difference.

Journal.

Take time to reflect on your day, experiences, and emotions. Journaling helps slow thoughts down and creates distance from them, making patterns easier to see and emotions easier to regulate. Research by psychologist James Pennebaker and others shows that expressive writing helps people make meaning of difficult experiences and reduce anxiety and depression by increasing psychological distance and metacognitive awareness.

Challenge automatic thoughts.
Time alone allows us to step back and evaluate our beliefs and reactions. Are our thoughts accurate? Helpful? Or simply repetitive rumination? The power lies in choosing how we respond and shaping our inner narrative with intention.

Although solitude isn’t always what people initially want, it offers much-needed space to reset and process the demands of daily life. Constant activity—both external and internal—robs us of reflection. Without that space, we risk living on autopilot, driven by unconscious emotions, needs, and beliefs rather than conscious choice. 

Learning to be alone is not about isolation. It’s about coming home to yourself—and from that place, showing up more fully in your life and relationships.

— Monica Ramunda, MA, LPC
Licensed Therapist | Owner, Rocky Mountain Counseling Services | Founder, Sacred Healing Journeys