What’s Your Attachment Style? Discover the Hidden Patterns Shaping Your Relationships

Do you find yourself frustrated in relationships—always anxious and worried that your partner will let you down? Or do you find yourself feeling frustrated that your partner wants too much from you and you feel suffocated in relationships?

Our core feelings and responses to our partners often reflect our childhood attachment patterns—ways we learned to relate to love, safety, and connection from our earliest caregivers. Oftentimes, if our caregivers were not consistent or didn’t offer unconditional love, this can later appear as attachment trauma and become a source of pain in our adult relationships.

“Fears and expectations that date back to earlier experiences of dependency … are activated as commitment to the relationship increases. As a result, partners start to anticipate the worst, not the best, from their relationship.”
— Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, Wired for Love

What’s often missing in relationship difficulties is understanding each partner’s attachment style. Recognizing that a failure to “touch base” for one partner may feel like abandonment to the other can help both partners better meet one another’s emotional needs.

This quiz helps you determine your predominant attachment style and provides insight into how you respond to your partner in relationships.

“We tend to have a primary attachment style, most associated with how we show up in romantic relationships… This essentially dictates how we give and receive love and what our subconscious expectations are of others.”
— Thais Gibson, Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life

Attachment Style Quiz

(Choose the answer that feels most like you in romantic or close relationships.)

1. When someone I care about pulls away, I usually…
A. Worry they’re upset with me and try to reconnect quickly.
B. Feel relieved to have some space.
C. Want closeness but also feel afraid and confused.
D. Trust they’ll come back when they’re ready.

2. In relationships, I feel safest when…
A. My partner is emotionally available and often reassures me.
B. I have space and freedom to do my own thing.
C. Things are calm and predictable, but I’m always waiting for something to go wrong.
D. We can each be ourselves while staying emotionally connected.

3. When conflict arises, I tend to…
A. Get anxious and want to fix things immediately.
B. Withdraw or shut down until things cool off.
C. Feel overwhelmed and unsure whether to stay or leave.
D. Communicate openly and try to understand both sides.

4. How do you feel about emotional intimacy?
A. I crave it and often worry I want more than my partner does.
B. It feels uncomfortable or unnecessary.
C. I want it, but when it happens, I get scared or pull back.
D. I welcome it; closeness feels natural and safe.

5. When your partner doesn’t text or call back promptly, you usually…
A. Feel panicked or hurt and may check your phone constantly.
B. Don’t think much about it or assume they’re busy.
C. Feel torn—part of me wants to reach out, part of me wants to ignore them.
D. Notice it but trust they’ll get back to me soon.

6. Growing up, my caregivers were…
A. Loving but inconsistent; I had to work for their attention.
B. Distant or expected me to be very independent.
C. Sometimes caring, sometimes scary or unpredictable.
D. Generally warm, reliable, and responsive.

7. When I start to feel vulnerable in a relationship…
A. I cling tighter and seek reassurance.
B. I pull away and focus on other things.
C. I feel conflicted—wanting closeness but fearing I’ll get hurt.
D. I express my feelings and ask for support.

8. People might describe me as…
A. Sensitive and caring but sometimes “too much.”
B. Independent, logical, and not very emotional.
C. Intense or complicated in relationships.
D. Grounded, empathetic, and emotionally balanced.

9. My biggest fear in relationships is…
A. Being rejected or abandoned.
B. Losing my freedom or being controlled.
C. Being hurt or betrayed.
D. Having to compromise my values.

10. I handle separation or time apart by…
A. Feeling anxious and counting the days until we reconnect.
B. Enjoying the time to myself.
C. Feeling torn—wanting connection but also relief.
D. Missing them but feeling secure they’ll return.

11. My ideal relationship would be…
A. Deeply connected and always emotionally close.
B. Respectful of personal space and independence.
C. Safe but not overly dependent; still cautious about getting hurt.
D. Secure, loving, and interdependent.

Scoring

Mostly A’s → Anxious / Preoccupied Attachment
Mostly B’s → Avoidant / Dismissive Attachment
Mostly C’s → Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment
Mostly D’s → Secure Attachment

Knowing your predominant attachment style—and your partner’s—can be a healing process for couples. It helps move relationships away from frustration and anger toward understanding and compassion. Learning how you show up in relationships and being able to express your emotional needs to your partner is an important step toward creating a more secure and fulfilling bond.

“When we understand our attachment needs and fears, we can reach for our partners in ways that pull them closer, not push them away.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson

Monica Ramunda, MA, LPC is the owner of Rocky Mountain Counseling Services and loves helping individuals create healthier, nurturing relationships by discovering their attachment styles and expressing their authentic selves in connection with others.
Reach out for more information or a free consultation to see if working together feels like the right fit to support you in your relationship journey.