Breaking the Hovering Parent Cycle: What American Parents Can Learn from the French
Modern American parents often find themselves obsessing over their children’s every need, hovering like helicopters ready to swoop in at the first sign of distress. While attentive parenting is essential, over-involvement can have unintended consequences. Children raised with constant hovering may develop attention-seeking behaviors, frequent meltdowns, and a reliance on instant gratification. A few tears or a pout, and many parents find themselves rushing to their child’s side without a second thought.
Contrast this with a scene in France: French toddlers often play quietly and independently while their parents socialize, unbothered by interruptions. It’s a parenting style that may seem puzzling to outsiders, but the truth is simple. French parents embrace an approach that teaches children to adapt, self-soothe, and develop patience. The result? More relaxed parents and children who are calmer, more resilient, and capable of managing themselves.
Teaching Adaptability and Self-Soothing
Studies reveal that French infants typically sleep through the night at a much younger age compared to their American counterparts. So, what’s the secret? It’s not magic, nor does it involve any drastic methods—just a difference in parenting philosophy.
Rather than jumping up at the first whimper, French parents allow their children to experience brief moments of discomfort. These moments teach infants an important skill: self-soothing. Over time, they learn to fall back asleep on their own, without needing their parents’ immediate intervention.
American parents, in contrast, often rush to comfort their child at the slightest sound, inadvertently teaching dependence rather than resilience. While responding to a baby’s needs is vital, hovering too closely can prevent children from learning to cope and adapt. Parenting support and coaching can help caregivers strike a healthy balance, offering love and reassurance while fostering independence.
Educating, Not Punishing
French parenting also takes a unique stance on discipline. Where American parents might resort to punishment or scolding, French parents focus on education. Misbehavior isn’t met with harsh reactions or physical discipline but rather with calm disapproval or natural consequences. This teaches children that inappropriate behavior does not earn rewards, attention, or a “quick fix.”
Instant gratification, which is prevalent in many American households, can hinder a child’s emotional development. When children are constantly rewarded or soothed at the first sign of stress, they miss opportunities to develop patience and frustration tolerance—skills that are essential for navigating life’s challenges.
The good news? American parents can adopt a similar approach with the right tools and support. Parenting therapy can guide you in cultivating a parenting style that emphasizes boundaries, patience, and independence while maintaining warmth and connection.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by tantrums, bedtime battles, or constant demands, know that you’re not alone. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but you can create a healthier dynamic for you and your child with the right support.
Through parent coaching and therapeutic support, I help parents:
Develop strategies to reduce hovering and over-involvement
Foster independence and adaptability in children
Learn effective approaches to discipline that focus on teaching, not punishing
Manage parenting stress and find joy in the process
By creating a structured yet nurturing environment, you’ll empower your child to self-soothe, behave appropriately, and navigate challenges with confidence. Together, we’ll develop a plan that brings balance to your parenting style, reduces stress, and strengthens your relationship with your child.
Ready for Positive Change?
You don’t have to navigate the challenges of parenting alone. As a parenting coach and therapist, I specialize in helping parents find the perfect balance between guidance and independence. Let’s work together to create a calm, supportive home where both you and your child can thrive.
Reach out today to begin your journey toward stress-free, balanced parenting.
